


Sometimes Cuddles Are Better Than Sex

by rossendalebabe



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Dan Howell - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phan, Phil Lester - Fandom, dan and phil
Genre: Accidents, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood (NOT self harm though), Cuddling & Snuggling, Getting to Know Each Other, Infidelity, Kissing, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 08:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3722218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rossendalebabe/pseuds/rossendalebabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil is living in a sham relationship, where lack of affection is eating away at his confidence and self-worth, leaving him feel like an empty glass of nothingness. One night, someone walks into his life who appreciates the man he is. One shot – 4260 words or so. Some swearing (not a lot!), mentions of sex, no smut. Cute, reassurance filled fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes Cuddles Are Better Than Sex

**Sometimes Cuddles Are Better Than Sex**

  
He lifted his eyes to glance around the packed room again, before taking a self-conscious sip of his beer and swallowing hard. The wedding party was in full swing, but Phil was far from joyous or celebratory

For the umpteenth time, he attempted to make eye contact with Connor, but his boyfriend of eight months was not paying any attention to him, choosing instead to chat with his work colleagues. Phil hated parties, even if he was surrounded by familiar faces, which wasn’t the case this evening. Connor knew this for a fact – Phil hadn’t even wanted to come tonight, but he had been talked into it.

  
So here he sat, awkward and anxious, craving just a tiny smile, a kind word or even a little squeeze of his hand from his boyfriend for reassurance, but Phil knew that none of those things would come his way.

  
When they’d started dating, Phil was so flattered to be in Connor’s company that he hadn’t noticed the lack of affection until it was too late. Connor was tall, muscular and good-looking, with lashings of charisma, charm and confidence.

Phil on the other hand was shy and quiet, but loved hugs, cute kisses and quiet nights cuddling on the sofa. Cuddling was Phil’s absolutely favourite thing. Sex ranked pretty high on his preferences too, as long as it was followed by post-coital spooning and gently whispered fondness.

  
Connor’s preference on the other hand, was for a pretty boyfriend on his arm, rough fucking, work …and sleep. He never touched in public or showed much affection generally.

  
A general sense of emptiness had started to eat away at Phil.

  
Sure, Connor didn’t treat him badly or anything – he was never forced into sex, or abused or hurt in any way. The sex was great – he wasn’t complaining. But every single time, when Connor withdrew, then muttered ‘Night Phil’, before turning over to face away from him, a little bit of Phil died inside and left him feeling objectified.

  
He felt like a glass which had once been full of the champagne toast of optimism to a new relationship but was now almost drunk dry, with only the dregs remaining.

  
Phil’s expectations of this relationship had been high, but one could argue that they were flawed from the start, seeing as he had no previous experience to base his expectations on. Connor was his first sexual partner.

  
Losing his virginity had been a massive step after Phil had been eventually persuaded by Connor’s insistence that sex would bring them closer together and he’d be his ‘real’ boyfriend if he would ‘seal the deal’. That first time had been painful but Connor consistently told him that it would get better and that it would hurt less the more they did it. He’d been correct - the sex did get less painful and Phil did honestly enjoy it….a lot. After all, it was his only chance to feel physical contact with the boyfriend he loved. But in contrast, the pain in his heart was growing a little every time.

  
He had tried to cuddle up and had whispered ‘I love you’ with no response too many times. Now he never bothered. He would just lay there, feeling alone and used up in the dark, listening to his boyfriend’s breathing turn to snores. Even though he had strong feelings for Connor, he was beginning to question whether it was worth it.

  
Even here, tonight, he had tried to hold Connor’s hand for reassurance as they’d walked into the function room together, but felt him pull away when he saw his work colleagues. Phil inwardly wondered whether Connor was embarrassed of him.  
He had never felt so alone in such a crowded room andlonged for just a little sign that he was loved as a person and not just an object. Phil stared down at his drink and felt pretty worthless. _What was wrong with him?_ Connor even always turned the light off when they had sex. _Was he too ugly to look at?_

  
A loud outburst of laughter made him jump. Connor was enjoying a joke with his friends. Phil tried to smile politely – at least trying to seem as though he was joining in, even though he hadn’t heard a word which had been said, due to Connor’s back facing him.

  
Next moment, Connor was gesticulating with his arms and, seemingly forgetting Phil was even there, he elbowed Phil’s hand which was holding his drink, sending it into the wall and smashing the glass into the palm of Phil’s hand with a loud smash. Glass and beer flowed everywhere and Phil felt a searing, hot sensation as his blood started to pour out of his now lacerated hand. He jumped up in agony, gripping his hand tightly.

  
Connor barely glanced or paused for breath. He merely waved his hand dismissively, saying, almost with contempt “Oh, sorry Phil – you’d better go the bathroom and clean yourself up. You’re bleeding everywhere.”

  
He then turned back, rolled his eyes and continued his conversation as though nothing had happened, leaving Phil grimacing and trying to wrap a napkin round his hand to stem the blood flow. Just before he went into the bathroom, he glanced back to see whether Connor was coming to help, but no - he was laughing again at the hilarious conversation which was far more important than his injured partner. Phil sighed, feeling his throat dry with emotion and made his way into the gent’s toilets.

  
Once there, he turned the cold tap on and winced as the icy water turned the sink pink and his hand into a stinging ball of pain. Phil squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated on holding the tears back. The agony of his injury was bad enough, but the anguish of his rejection and broken heart at his boyfriend’s lack of care was the main cause of his impending sorrow.

  
Phil looked up and caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. He had made such an effort to look good tonight. He had thought that perhaps that would please his boyfriend and he’d be rewarded with a compliment or a hug. He had worn Connor’s favourite cologne, had taken time over his hair and had even bought a new shirt. Now though, the reflection that looked back at him was just a timid, pale, tired looking guy, who oozed sadness and felt about a foot smaller than his above average height. His eyes which usually shone a brilliant blue, lacked their spark and stared back at him with a dull grey hue. _What had gone wrong in his life?_

  
The door to the toilets suddenly swung open and a blast of cheesy wedding disco music filled the room. Phil glanced round quickly, hoping to see Connor coming to check if he was OK, but he was disappointed and let out an involuntary sigh.

  
_Not too disappointed though._

  
A cute, tall guy with deep brown eyes and a cream shirt ( _covered in …what were they? Moths?_ ) walked in. He saw Phil immediately, surveyed the bloody scene and sucked his breath in through his lips, grimacing.

  
“Hey….are you OK? That looks nasty. I heard the crash a moment ago and saw you head this way. I couldn’t see anyone else with you, so I thought I’d check to see if you were alright. Is there anything I can do?”

  
Phil was a bit shaky and tongue tied. He was still feeling close to tears and this stranger’s concern for him was having the effect of making him really want to cry. _Why did someone’s sympathy always send you over the edge when you’re already close to crying?_ He wiped his face quickly with the back of his good hand.

  
“Yeah…I um hurt my hand. The glass smashed into it” he mumbled.

  
“Let me see” the cute brown eyed stranger murmured gently, taking Phil’s hand into his and frowning. Phil’s stomach fluttered wildly at the contact. This guy was gorgeous and _he had hold of his hand_. “Wow, I bet that hurts. You need a bandage round that, to stop the bleeding. I did a first aid course a few months ago, so I’ve got one of those little first aid kits that they give you. It’s in my case upstairs. Who are you here with? D’you want to tell them where you’re going?”

  
Phil gulped, a stray tear trickling down his cheek. He was overwhelmed with this man’s compassion and wasn’t used to this level of attention lately.

  
“Hey…are you alright? Don’t be upset, we can sort your hand out. Are you here with your girlfriend or friends? Let me go and find them. I’ll let them know you’re hurt” the guy soothed and Phil’s whole body felt as though he had an electric charge sent through it as he put his arm round his shoulder. _Warm, human contact, eye contact, genuine interaction._

  
“No. It’s OK.” Phil whispered, embarrassed, his heart pounding from the man’s touch. “I’m here with Connor, my boyfriend and he’s busy talking to his friends.” The stranger noticed that Phil’s lip wobbled a bit as he spoke and that he wouldn’t meet his concerned eyes.

  
“Well, Connor should be in here, looking after you” he grumbled and started to make for the door, as though he was going to fetch him.

  
“N-no!” Phil protested. “He knows I’m hurt – he told me to come in here and get cleaned up” he protested. He didn’t want this man to leave him alone again. The cute guy pouted.

  
“Connor doesn’t seem like he deserves to have a boyfriend like you, if he doesn’t look after you” the man frowned again. “Come with me, I’ll see to that hand for you. My name’s Dan by the way. Cousin to the groom. Who do I have the pleasure of assisting?” he grinned and Phil swooned a bit at the cute dimple which had appeared on Dan’s cheek.

  
“I’m Phil, I came along with Connor- he works with the bride” he replied. “Are you staying here tonight then? Who are you here with?” Phil wrapped some paper towels round his hands, tightly.

  
“Yeah, the case is in my room, on the fourth floor. We’ll take the lift” he said, leading the way and pressing the call button to summon it down. Once the doors opened, they stepped inside and Phil had a sense that he was somehow stepping out of line a bit. He could just about see Connor, still in full conversational flow. _I bet he hasn’t even thought about me_ Phil thought sadly, as the doors slid shut.

  
“I’m just here with my Mum, Dad and sister, but I have my own room” Dan added, answering Phil’s earlier question.

  
The few seconds that the lift took to travel up to the fourth floor were a bit awkward. The lift’s interior was fully mirrored and it seemed that wherever Phil looked, he met Dan’s gaze. As their eyes locked, they both smiled, suddenly embarrassed, then blushed a bit, looking away. The journey ended up with Dan studying his feet and Phil inspecting the ceiling. It was a relief once the doors opened again, and as Phil followed Dan up the hallway and watched him unlock his room door and sweep his arm forward to motion him in, he felt a wave of guilt again. He didn’t make a habit of going alone to stranger’s rooms without his boyfriend knowing. “Sit down, Phil. I’ll get my first aid kit” Dan invited, then knelt down and started rummaging through his case.  
Phil watched him, trying not to smile.

  
_He was in a stranger’s room…a gorgeous stranger_. He took advantage of the fact the Dan was occupied, to check him out. _Dan had the type of hair he’d like to run his fingers through. It looked so soft and he would bet it smelt great. He knew already that Dan smelt fantastic. He could smell him when he was looking at his hand downstairs. His voice was sexy, he was well spoken and warm and kind. And he had perfect eyes and kissable lips too….and the way his ass look as he crouched down in those tight black pants was exquisite….STOP, PHIL!_   He reminded himself that he was here with Connor and tore his gaze away to look round the room instead. There was a laptop and a phone and various grooming products, but everything was neat and tidy.  
Dan stood up and sat next to him on the bed, then took his hand again, inspecting it carefully.

  
“You know, I hope you don’t think I’m speaking out of turn, but if you were my boyfriend, I wouldn’t let you out of my sight and then be taken up to another guy’s room without me noticing” he murmured, gently starting to apply the bandage. Phil realised that Dan was close, really close now, as he took in what his first aider had just said to him.

  
“Well, he’s just busy with his friends” he replied, knowing that making excuses for his boyfriend was pretty lame.

  
“You seem a bit sad, Phil, if you don’t mind me saying” he continued. Every little touch of his hand was making Phil’s stomach somersault.

  
“I-I’m OK” he gulped. The tears were threatening again. This guy, who he hardly knew had shown him more attention and given him more non-sexual contact than he’d had in months. The realisation confirmed everything that was wrong in his and Connor’s relationship.

  
“I don’t think so” Dan stated, staring directly but compassionately at him. _Oh God, don’t cry, not here, with someone you’ve only just met._ Phil looked away and chewed his lip, wondering how Dan could read him so easily.

  
“No….No, you’re right. Actually, I’m not OK” Phil agreed, looking down at his neatly bandaged hand and he tried so hard to stop the tears, but it was no good. He squeezed his eyes shut, mainly out of shame and embarrassment.

  
“Shhh, Phil. Please…oh shit I’m sorry…I’ve upset you.” Dan soothed and without thinking he drew Phil into the warmest, safest hug he’d ever had.

  
Phil’s eyes widened with shock and he tensed momentarily, before relaxing into Dan’s arms, his head on Dan’s shoulder. They stayed silent and didn’t move for minutes. Phil eventually stopped crying and closed his eyes. Instead of feeling sadness, he savoured the beautiful embrace he had craved for so long and now he was getting from someone he barely knew. Dan’s lips made their way into his hair and he kissed his head tenderly.

  
“Phil…I think your boyfriend shouldn’t have let you out of his sight” he whispered. “I think you’re far too sweet and good-looking and sensitive to be left without any attention.” Phil’s eyes started to fill with tears again, but this time they were tears of gratitude, as he felt the first inklings of what it was to be appreciated as a man again. He looked up at Dan, who was staring at him. “You have such pretty eyes, Phil, don’t make them all red again” he whispered.

  
Phil smiled a lop-sided, shy sort of a smile and he began to study his hands again.

  
“You’re so nice, but I hardly know you” he muttered.

  
“I hardly know you either, but you seem a nice guy” Dan replied. “I know that you have a non-attentive boyfriend and that you’re sad and that you don’t really like parties. That’s something we have in common at least.”

  
“What? You’re sad, or you have a non-attentive boyfriend?” Phil queried.

  
“Neither – I don’t like parties much. I’d rather stay at home and watch a movie or sit looking at the internet all night. My parents told me I had to come tonight – because it’s my cousin’s wedding“ he grumbled. “I don’t even live at home any more, but …family commitments come first I guess.”

  
“You were right Dan, I hate parties, especially when I don’t know anyone” Phil stated.

  
“And I was right about you being sad too, wasn’t I?” Dan smiled in a non- judgmental, friendly and encouraging sort of way. Phil felt as though he could talk to Dan about anything right now.

  
Before he knew it, he was telling Dan about his feelings for Connor, how he wished for more attention and cuddles, how lonely he’d felt lately. Somehow, he found himself lying on Dan’s bed, side by side with him, looking up at the ceiling together as they talked. Time seemed to stand still as they felt completely at ease with one another. Dan told Phil all about his background – how he’d been studying, but gave up because it just didn’t seem right for him. Phil told Dan about his media and film degree and how he’d been making video blogs before he met Connor, but how he hadn’t made any lately, because he’d somehow run out of inspiration and self-confidence.

  
They told silly jokes and talked about their favourite music, Muse (it seemed this was another thing they had in common), films and families. They lost all track of time and if anyone had peeked at them without knowing the situation, they’d have thought these two men had known each other for years.

  
As they were talking about food and drinks, Dan got on the subject of cocktails and realised that he was thirsty. He stood up and filled two glasses with water, then opened a window.

  
“It’s hot in here, Phil” he stated, blowing his fringe up with his bottom lip stuck out. He leaned out of the window, allowing the cool air into the room. Phil stood up and joined him and they both leaned their elbows together on the sill.

  
“Yeah, it _is_ warm….oh god. What time is it?” he asked, anxiously, suddenly realising how long he’d been up here with Dan. The party must be coming to an end soon and Connor wouldn’t be happy about how long he’d been away.

  
Dan checked his watch “12.05. Whoops! I think we lost track of the time” he added meekly, grinning cheekily.

  
“I’d better get going Dan” Phil apologised, although in truth, that was the last thing he wanted to do. This was the most fun he’d ever had.

  
Dan continued to look out of the window. He seemed a bit wistful.

  
“Someone down there’s getting stuck in. He’s in for a good night” he smiled, watching some people outside, four floors down. Phil looked out too and could see two figures, arms wrapped round each other. Someone had their hands all over the guy’s ass and they were practically eating other.

  
“Yeah – looks like fun” Phil smirked, feeling as though he shouldn’t really be watching. It was practically like the start of a porn film. Just as he was about to turn back and relunctantly say his goodbyes, the two figures started to walk back towards the hotel door. Phil’s blood ran cold. One of the guys was Connor and he was with another man.

  
He staggered back into the room, and sat down heavily, not sure what to say or do. His already pale face was drained of any remaining colour. If he’d felt like an empty champagne glass before, then now he felt as though he’d been thrown against the cold hard ground and shattered into a thousand sharp pieces.

  
“Phil?...What is it?” Dan sat next to him on the edge of the bed.

  
“That was Connor” was the only reply Phil could manage. After feeling so happy and relaxed only minutes ago, he was now plunged again into confusion and sadness.

  
“Fucking twat” Dan spat.

  
Phil’s lips turned up a bit at this – Dan was so nicely spoken and hearing him swear like that was kind of amusing. He looked at Dan with surprised eyes.

  
“What?! Well, he _is_ a fucking twat!” Dan exclaimed.

  
“What am I going to do? I’m supposed to be staying here with him tonight. Our house is miles away and all my stuff is in the hotel room. I d-d-don’t want to face him now, not after seeing him with that other guy. Shit. They were all over each other“ Phil stammered.

  
“What _are_ you going to do then? I guess he’s not your boyfriend any more” Dan asked gently.

  
“I can’t believe he’d do that.” Phil shook his head. “And no, he’s not” he added, folding his arms, suddenly more angry than sad.

  
“So…Phil. You need a new boyfriend, who’ll treat you with respect and appreciate you for the sweet man you are. Someone who’ll hold your hand as you walk down the street. Someone who’ll cuddle with you on the sofa and feed you popcorn while you watch a film. You need someone who’ll kiss you in the morning and fetch you coffee and never let you go.” Dan murmured, his arm around Phil’s shoulder again.

  
_There was that electric shock and those dancing butterflies again. And Dan’s smile and Dan’s gorgeous brown eyes. And his dimple and his collarbones, which Phil could just see beneath his open shirt_. Dan was staring at him with an expectant look on his face. Phil kept looking from his eyes to his lips and back again. He wasn’t used to this, so he took a deep breath, but he was so shy. He mustered all his courage before taking hold of Dan’s hand.

  
“Yeah, I do need someone like that. You’re so nice. And I’d love it if _you’d_ be my boyfriend…will you Dan?” He held his breath and waited for the reply.

  
Dan pulled his hands away.

  
“What, Phil!? But I’m straight. Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea….”

  
Phil’s face dropped to the floor and he stood up as thought he’d been stung. How could he have misread the signs so badly?

  
“Oh God, Dan, shit, I’m sorry…I’ll go. Thanks for the bandage and …”

  
Phil’s words were cut short by the most wonderful warm lips, as Dan pressed them against his.

  
“You silly turnip, Phil. I’m joking! Of course I’ll be your boyfriend. Connor’s loss is totally my gain.” He smiled, wrapping his arms around Phil. “I’m going to be all those things you need and more. You’re lovely. I totally checked you out when you first walked in to the function room this evening.”

  
“Really? I didn’t think I’d be good enough for someone like you” Phil smiled, stroking Dan’s hair.

  
“You can stop that talk right now. I’ve only known you a couple of hours, but you deserve the world. Stay here with me tonight. No strings attached…we’ve only just met and I’m not a total slut” Dan grinned cheekily, “although I totally would…you’re gorgeous” he added, allowing his eyes up and down the length of Phil’s body suggestively.

  
“I know - this is all so sudden. Earlier I was sitting downstairs feeling the most horrible I’ve ever felt and now I’m here, with you, agreeing to share your bed. Yet I feel so comfortable with you, even though we’ve only just met. You make me feel …I don’t know…alive and worth something more than a quick fuck” Phil stated, then smiled conspiratorially. “Just so you know – I totally would too. You’re incredibly sexy, Dan. But I can’t have sex with someone I’ve only just met. I don’t even know your surname.”

  
“Howell”

  
“Mine’s Lester. Phillip Michael Lester”

  
“Daniel James Howell”

  
“I want to know everything about you, Daniel James Howell. But for now, I just want to cuddle with you, if that’s OK?” Phil asked. He wanted so much more than cuddles with Dan for sure, but after his experience with Connor, he needed a bit more time and reassurance before that. He was experiencing such a paradox of emotions right now – hurt, betrayal and anxiety, but also excitement, infatuation and passion. He knew his head wasn’t in the right place to take this to the next level already, much as he could have.

  
“I’d love that. How’s your hand feeling by the way?”

  
“To be honest, I forgot all about it” Phil smiled. “I was a bit…um..distracted.”

  
The two men undressed, but only down to their underwear, then proceeded to get into bed. They didn’t sleep for hours – they were too busy chatting all night, (in between cuddling and reasonably chaste kissing), but at about 4am, both of them started to fall asleep.

  
Dan was hardly willing to let go of Phil as he reached over to switch the light off, saying he didn’t want to turn it off, because if he woke in the night, he’d like to be able to see him. As Phil drifted into sleep, he couldn’t take the smile off his face.

  
The next morning, Phil woke, confused and disorientated. Someone was kissing his cheek and he could see a mug of hot coffee on the bedside table next to him. Phil smiled sleepily and admired Dan’s ruffled bed hair and the man that was staring at him with warmth in his eyes and a goofy smile plastered across his face. He knew that he wouldn’t be short of hugs and kisses ever again.

  
As he reached for his glasses and focused on the room, he noticed a bottle of champagne, poking out of the top of Dan’s case. Phil’s heart sang quietly to himself, as he felt sure that this glass, when shared with the new man in his life, would forever overflow.

**The End**

Hope you like it. Let me know what you think - I really appreciate your feedback...and Kudos if you liked it!  
Check out my other two phan pics – ‘God’s Gift To Men’ and ‘Paradise Found’ by rossendalebabe


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